ok

so...ya i already told you i was bipolar (self diagnosed since TFA).

yesterday i did not blog, so i need to update you on the last two days. my kids were the little bastards from hell that they always are, but my new attitude kept me from crying (yay!) i realized that dancing (no booty popping) in my classroom with my kids makes me feels better.

my kids are taking a test tomorrow and i am of course very worried because i think that it might not go well....but i have to wait till after they take it to see how they do. the review did not go well. i tried to play jeopardy with them and they were screaming like BANSHEES! being very annoying and saying things like, "i don't want to play anymore" which would be entirely ok if I was teaching 3rd graders, but le sigh i am not.

today, we went on a field trip to georgia tech and that was an absolute waste of time and money. the kids got nothing out of it and didn't want to go there...well maybe one did. i felt for them...i mean why would they want to go to georgia tech when their teacher went to mit :). it made me feel good when some of my favorites like antonio said, "i don't want to go here, i want to go to mit."

i taught one class today, WHICH was EXCELLENT, and it was great because i gave them a test, so all the little bastards had to do was sit there and shut the F up, which they didn't manage to do of course. the bright side is that before i knew it the day was over.

another great thing today, which is actually pretty horrible to admit, is that i was very glad that my principal was away ALL day. i didn't have to hear her voice at all today. music to my ears. my co-workers of course were acting like fools because we were so excited.

tomorrow i know will be a good day. no meetings (hopefully). its friday! kids are testing. pep rally for homecoming week. teaching only 2 classes.

i like looking at the brighter side...it really is hard work though, i do not think it is human nature. in man's development survival has meant living in fear, in apprehension, in distress....this is what it was. now it is the opposite...to survive you have to work to remain calm in midst of stress, pressure, and near starvation of release. i think the only way to do this is to let it out in private, keep it bottled in the right situation and let it out when you get home, because if you don't you won't survive very long.

two years is a long time and then its not i realized. i have survived a lot of horrible things in my life and i'm ok despite them. i will be ok. i will be great because of this. i will grow in ways that i never perceived. ways that i knew i could not perceive. i know that november will be hard because of memories, but i will be ok. i will be ok despite. i will be ok because....