womanhood and man's work

last wednesday coco was spayed. when she came home from the vet i felt so bad. every time i touched her she screamed (that's really what it sounded like) and she slept for hours. even the day after she was still a little sore, so i still couldn't pick her up, which was sometimes necessary since i didn't want her to sleep on the floor by herself....but then that lil....ugh....peed on my bed, unacceptable.

now she's fine. she still has the four unsightly stitches in her belly, but she's playing around as normal and barking at the food delivery people that come up to the apartment.

today is memorial day and i'm spending it alone. don't worry, i wasn't alone the whole weekend. a friend of mine from way way way back in the day came to visit this weekend. it was a weekend of self discovery and fun (but not too much ^_^). I learned a lot about myself through him. Like he reminded me of who I used to be and certain events around him brought out the part about myself that I like...and the parts I didn't like so much. i should say that i hadn't seen him in 6 years, so it was interesting to see how we've both changed, physically and mentally.

it was nice having someone open doors for me, shield me from oncoming cars, and other "chivalry" activities. i miss that. i feel like in the course of my life my womanhood had been taken away from me. i am expected to do everything myself, which i can do. i just want to be pampered, you know, taken care of. i consider myself a feminist to the fullest and believe that any woman can do just about anything she puts her mind to (except produce sperm). but even a feminist wants to be seen as a delicate object sometimes....not helpless, not distressed...delicate.

i want to feel that way again. i want to feel cherished. i want to know that someone is always looking out for me and my comfort.

at the same time though i'm not saying women should take on every role that society places on her. cause most of the other ideas of what womanhood represent are counter to this idea of being delicate. for example, washing your dishes, cooking food, having babies...those are all a lot of work! not delicate in anyway. Those are all man's work.

men should do all those things and let women run the world (a very delicate job). let us be the thinkers and you be the workers. this is perfectly aligned with man's image of himself as the "stronger" sex, whatever that means. if men are stronger then let them do all the hard labor.

i think i'll be a horrible wife with this mentality. hope my future husband can handle it. i mean i will do the necessary things like have babies, since i'll be the only one that can. but dish water makes my hands dry, oil on the stove burns my soft skin, and vacuuming makes me sweat. that's not "womanly" at all.

i want to be a woman again. i don't think coco misses it...she's still humps things...le sigh.