(no subject) i love you

i know its been a HOT minute since i've written anything but here goes.


i finally finished my last day of undergrad (on to the next one, right). i have no words for how i feel, or maybe any feelings at all. i've just been thinking about how am i going to pack all my stuff into boxes and what should i take, what should i throw away, and what should i give away. seems so.....anti-climatic for so much hard work (yea, right).

in the last semester i've been doing a soul search, tryna figure out what the purpose of all this is...what my purpose is, what love is, and the list goes on. i have to admit there are times when i lost all hope in life and love....and i must say this has been my hardest semester even though my class load has been really really light. its amazing how much harder a pset on what it means to love someone can be. i'm still trying to figure that one out. but i've been able to make a few conclusions:

1. love is not about accepting someone the way they are, it is about pushing them to become their true, perfect self. this is because we are never who we really are until we have reached our full potential, until we have reached truth (whatever that may be).
2. God's love is what makes life worth while <3
3. "Don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon." the people we love are made in God's image and we should realize that when we love them (truly love them) we are loving God. they are the glass through which we can see God.
4. having friends who really love you make life...SOOO much easier.
5. some weird philosophical joke about blind men and an elephant...it's all relevant

that's probably not all i've learned. i've learned a lot of other things about myself. about what i want and what i don't want....and i'm struggling with asserting myself even now. only time will tell if i'll be able to escape and become my true self, unashamed.

today, i was thinking about someone....from my past. a true friend. i think its so amazing how our hearts or minds or wavelengths can be so linked that a few hours later, they sent me a simple message, "i love you, willie". it was the simplest thing...but exactly what i needed to be reminded of. i was just thinking before about what if things had been different....what if...just one thing...anything had changed...and will anything change in the future. all the "what ifs".... i don't know if it will amount to anything at all....thinking about them, but i still can't help but do it. even though i would consider myself somewhat successful...i still feel like i'm missing something....very important. a message that i'm just not hearing or getting, but i'm searching for it. and for some reason i believe that it was in those short four words: i love you, willie.

on the search for happiness and love,
wmr