its all happened so very fast.....
i got the call last sunday (nov 15th) from my mom. she said it bluntly, "you're brother is dead." i almost had a hear tattack in macy's. this is by far the hardest thing i've ever had to do: attend my only brother's funeral.
he was 28 years old. he was a college graduate with a double in computer science and business administration. he was hardworking, handsome, and an awesome brother. he is loved.
his funeral was on saturday, november 21st, 2009. i still remember the heather gray casket and the white roses and lilacs that laid across it. we couldn't see his face. i was glad. i want to remember him full of life and love and happiness.
my mom found him, lying on his side in his bedroom on the floor, a bullet lodged in his skull, his blood soaking the hard wood. i can't even imagine. i have nightmares about it.
when i'm alone, even in crowds, i cry. i pray for healing but i feel that healing will never come. i feel guilty for being momentarily happy. my brother is gone and i don't know why. no letters, no suspects, no answers.
my mother's pain is unimaginable, but i know that God knows her pain. he also had to lose his son. i know my brother believed in God and our savior Jesus Christ and i pray for his soul. please pray with me.
i needed to write this blog. i need to mourn. i need to heal. this year is going to be much harder than i thought. my brother promised he'd come to my graduation. i was excited. i wil miss him and so will many others.
for a candle blown out too soon, i miss you.
"As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us." ~Sascha
God bless.
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